Why?

Why post a journal online for anyone to read? Why not keep it hidden so no one can know what a weirdo you are? But my question is why not?

We live in a world where social media is a place to present our best selves. Where we only post the best pics to our insta accounts, after choosing the right one, adding filters, color adjustments and trendy captions/hashtags. Where our snapchats aren’t of real life but only when we are doing something exciting and want others to see. Sometimes we may post things that may seem relatable like #Lazygirlprobs attached to a picture of a pile of laundry. But for the most part, no one seems to be real online these days. Thats not a bad thing, I mean who wouldn’t want to present their best selves, make their lives seem more exciting, or make themselves seem more trendy. ¬†We only see the good going on in others lives, which can make some of us feel like everyone else has a more meaningful, more fulfilling life than us.

But thats just not life. Life has no pretty filters, its not always trendy. For me when I see how perfect everyones lives seem, I feel like it makes mine seem so incredibly uninteresting, like I’m just a loser with nothing going for them. I see how great everything is going for everyone else and feel like my life is just a meaningless mess.

I want others to see this blog, and relate to how real it is. The stories I will tell are real, unfiltered. They aren’t going to be perfect, they will make me seem like I need to get my shit together. But no matter how perfect someones life may seem on social media, chances are its just not as it seems. Look passed the screen and see it for what it is.

My life isn’t perfect. I feel like even when I post online its not going to get as many likes as my friends content. I know my snap story won’t be as interesting as my friends. But it will be real.

We all live in this false illusion of perfectness. And it’s all bullshit. We all need to be fulfilled by something, and sometimes presenting ourselves in this unauthentic way makes us feel some kind of fulfillment. Like if others think you’re life is perfect; you’ll feel better about it. Sometimes it’s a hard task not to feel shitty about your own un-perfect life,when you are constantly flooded with images of what you’d assume are what fulfills other people’s lives. Whats important is what fulfills you. Even now I struggle to feel like my life has meaning, I feel like I’m not really succeeding; I’m still searching for fulfillment.

This journal will serve as a chronicle of my search for fulfillment, in my most honest and authentic form. My stories won’t always have happy endings; or always have some greater meaning. But they will be steps in a path that will hopefully lead me to both. I hope to gain more self love, and a more positive outlook and understanding on life. If no one reads, thats okay too; because this is my outlet to guide myself to a place of love and fulfillment.

So follow along with me, and maybe we can find fulfillment together.

Polly.